Dopesick
by n0rthsh0r3
Summary: Tegan's recently OD'd and luckily was revived. Now it's Sara's responsibility to keep her twin clean. WARNING: Mature Story. Strong use of drugs.
1. Homecoming?

TRIGGER WARNING - DRUGS (HEROIN, LSD, ETC)

The needle in my vein was too good to pass up. I couldn't just escape that lifestyle, ya know? It was all I knew, now. I couldn't leave it all behind. I had to, though. One near-death experience and I had her all worried. She wouldn't let me leave on the streets anymore. I guess, I understand that - I had to quit, which to be honest, I didn't know if that was possible at this point. I'd lived up to this… image. I was into it, I loved it. I don't know how the fuck it started. I really… I did. All this pain, ya know? I just wanted out, I needed a way out.

That's what smack was. A way out. Originally, I ran away because I felt out of place. I was the first born. Of two. Me and Sara - I was the first born, then her. I felt like I had to live up to her, I felt like they were my mother's standards. Sara was an honor student, _always_ made honor roll. Had a job, had her license. All by 16. The year I left. I remember the day like it was yesterday, though I don't remember much.

I was so irritated that day. I was so pissed off. Sara had come home to my mom and me arguing. I was sitting on the couch, my stuff was already packed and in my room. I'd already purchased my bus ticket to Vancouver. I stole money from Sara. I stole around $200 all together. My mom was telling me to be more like Sara, she was always telling me that. I scoffed, "Sod off." I spat and walked to my room, slamming my door. I went away, writing the goodbye letter. Sara had knocked on my door. I opened it slowly, just a crack and eyed the girl up and down. She was donned in her pajama's, already and her hair was up in a high ponytail. Back then, I'd deny finding her attractive. The smack has helped me admit and accept that I want to fuck her, and that I always have. Sara told me to stop upsetting Mom. That's when I went mad. I slammed the door in her face, "Cunt!" I screamed and kicked the door.

I didn't leave until that morning. It was Sunday and I had refused to go to church. I was out the door and at the bus station and down in Vancouver, faster than I had wanted. As soon as I was out in Vancouver, I met a few squatters. They let me stay with them and I had slept with the main girl there. She was supposed to be like my mom but I liked her. She had short black hair and she wore punk-type clothes. I was her girlfriend-ish, until we threw this big party. I had left them for the smack crowd. I met Lillith.

She had bright purple hair that was shaved about an inch long. She had glittery eyebrows, her tongue, septum and dimples pierced. She always worn raccoon like make up and I liked her, more than the mom. I liked her because she was nice. She was free, she was happy. First off, she was European. I want to say she was British, but I don't exactly remember. She was pretty and beautiful and I wanted her.

I knew Lillith was on something, I just didn't know what, I wasn't into anything besides Hash. Anyways, I was with Lillith for two years before we started hooking to get money for drugs. I was addicted, I could say. I had been arrested for prostituting and possession of drugs. I had been clean and I was going to get a job and get an apartment. No luck with that.

It was just this past week, Monday. I had overdosed on heroin and nearly died. That's when Sara contacted me. Now, 22 years old and off to live with my twin sister in Montreal, Quebec. I wasn't excited. Not at all. I knew no one, there. She'd moved so far away. I wouldn't know where to get dope, but that was the point, right?

Getting off the airplane. I was sick, so sick. I had vomited nearly three times and I just wanted to shoot up more than anything. Smack would make me feel better, I needed some dope was all. Sara was waiting for me, she had long hair still. I'd cut all mine off. It was beginning to fall out from the Tina that I occasionally used. As soon as my hair started falling off, I quit the Tina all together and just used more heroin.

Sara's hair was pulled into a ponytail and she had a bright red peacoat on. I smiled, shyly and walked up to her. "Shall we get your bags then?" Sara said after we'd embraced. I nodded, toying with my septum pincher. Sara grabbed my hand and we walked to the baggage claim. I pulled my hand away, "I'm a drug addict, not six years old, Sara." I spat and walked to the appropriate, baggage belts. I picked up my suitcase. "That's all you have?" Sara asked. I chuckled, "I was homeless, Sara. I'm wearing one of the two outfits I have." I felt dirty being in her presence and I'm sure she was disgusted with me. She was so clean and I hadn't showered since I left the hospital. I was thinking about dope, though. When was I not.

"You've got any Xanax, yeah?" I ask Sara as we begin driving. "We need to go shopping." She says, looking towards me. "Maybe you oughta shower first." The air is thick in Sara's car and I roll down the windows. Sara's never dealt with an addict. Once  
Sara stops at the light, I open the door and vomit again. Sara is absolutely freaking out, asking if I'm okay. I shake my head and asks if I'm to be emitted to the hospital. I shake my head, "I need heroin or Xanax or methadone." I sigh, heavily. My whole body is shaking and Sara pulls out a bottle of pills and hands them to me. They're labeled to me, "Bupe?" I ask. Sara nods, "Your doctor sent them. He said to take one every eight hours." I take one quickly and Sara hands me a water bottle.

Once we get to her house, Sara takes my suitcase to the laundry room. I haven't got much in there. An outfit and a pair of shoes. Also, some lyrics. Sara advises for me to take a bath. Her apartment is huge, elegant and damn sexy. I get in the bath and Sara knocks on the door. "Yeah?" I call out. "Can I uh, join?" Sara asks. I nod, remembering she can't see me. "Sure." Sara steps in and I don't mention anything about wanting her. She drops her clothes and gets in with me. "You're rich." I say. She laughs. "I'm a lawyer." I giggle, and I want to kiss her. She's so beautiful. She's taken her hair out and it's fallen down, beside her face and frames it, gracefully. "You're beautiful." I tell her. "Thanks, Tegan." I grin and lean into her. She wraps her arms around me and it feels good, because I'm not high and the Bupe's worked fast. I look at her.

"What did I do wrong?" She asks, scrubbing shampoo through my black hair. I sigh, "You were perfect, Sar." I fucked up, I realized.


	2. New Beginnings

Author's Note:

This is a sad excuse of a chapter. 100 words? Next chapter will be extra long!

* * *

**(Sara's POV)**

Tegan was to be treated like a child. After all, she wasn't responsible. She was a child, in my eyes. Nothing more, nothing less. I was to spend every second with her until I could trust her. Even after that, she will always been an addict, so I can't ever fully trust her. She already trusted me, strange enough. She reassures me that I'm not the cause. She was an addict because thats what she wanted for herself. Who was I to blame myself? I had some nerve to be selfish enough to think she ran away because of me.

"Partly your fault, partly mums, mostly mine." she said. I sighed, holding a towel out for her. "I could blame you.", she begins. "If I wasn't recovering." I smiled and walked her to my bedroom, our room. I hand her clothes and when she gets dressed, my clothes drape off her skeleton, similar to when Sid and I would go to the coast and I'd put on his clothes as we drank PBR by the bonfire. I smiled sadly, Tegan used to be bigger than me. Now, she was frail.  
When we got to the party, I wouldn't let Tegan out of my sight. I'm sure there would be a user or two there. I wrapped my arms around Sid and stood on my tippy toes to kiss him. He chuckles and loops his fingers in between mine. "Glad you could make it." I giggle and pull away. "Sid, this is Tegan." he grinned, and stuck his hand out. Tegan scratched her jawline and wrinkled her nose. I sighed, it was just like her. Such an asshole. Sid put his hand down. "Uh, hi." Tegan speaks up. That's when Marina runs up to us, handing a Pabts to us each. Tegan takes it and downs it quickly. I see her eyeing the skinny girl behind Marina. She's got stringing blond hair and looks dirty. "I've got to piss." Tegan announces and walks away from us. "Fuck." I saw and start off after Tegan, only to have Sid pull me back. "She's a big girl." he tells me. I could laugh, I could fucking laugh in his face. I take off again, grabbing Tegan's arm before she reaches the trashy blond. "Let's go." I say. She smirks, "What, why? This was just getting interesting!" I look at the blond and shake my head. I pull Tegan towards the door.

On the way home, I tell Tegan that Sid and I will fight most likely. I wasn't allowed to leave this party. Tegan told me she was addicted to heroin and that I'm addicted to work. We're one in the same. "Heroin will kill ya." I protest and park the car outside my flat. "Aren't you even happy to be a bit clean?" I ask her. She shrugs, "I don't want to be clean. I loved my life." I laugh softly, that's why it was almost cut short, I think. Tegan seems to read my mind, twin telepathy. "I like the risk of not knowing whether or not I live after my next dose." Dose, yeah like it's actually a medical prescription. Tegan steps into the house, "Can I have my pill?" I walk in and check the clock, it's been five hours. "In three hours."

She sighs and walks to the fridge, "At least feed me." I nod, walking to the fridge and get out everything for her dinner. She watches me cook. "How big is he?" I drop the knife on the floor, "Excuse me?" Tee chuckles, "How big is Sid's cock?" I exhale slowly. "Shut up." Tegan snakes her arms around my waist and my body erupts in tingles. I breathe slowly. "That small?" she whisper against my ear and I feel even more chills rush up my spine. "Stop." I say. "Confession," Tegan begins, "I have the biggest crush on you. I have ever since you got tits." I close my eyes, "Get off… Now." My breathing is frazzled and my stutter and lisp are worse than ever. "Am I making you nervous?" She asks. "Get the fuck off." I push her away. I don't yell at her, I don't want her to run. I don't want her to leave. So I can't tell her that I'm disgusted. I can't scold her. "Please don't ever do that again." is what I say. She smirks, "'Kay, sis."  
Tegan grabs her plate and sits on the couch. I take my place next to her. She smiles at me. "Why are you so pretty?" I sigh, scooting away. "Okay, I'll stop! It's just been a while since I've been laid." I don't tell her that I'm in the same boat. She guesses. "You too?" I look at her, my face scrunched up. "How the fuck are you doing that?!" She laughs, "Twins."

That night, Tegan asks to cuddle. "No funny business." I tell her. She smiles, "Okay." we lay there, cuddled up. We talk. She tells me how badly she wants heroin. I sigh, "How about I be the replacement?" She giggles, "Can we have sex?" I sit up, "You didn't just suddenly start shooting up!" she smiles, "Snorted, chased and finally injected." I nod, we'll be real close, cuddle and hold hands, then kiss, then… Have sex. "We won't tell Sid." she smiles. "Can we skip all that? I've been waiting to kiss you since I was 14 years old." I nod, very slowly. "Kisses only." Tegan eagerly attaches our lips and straddles me.


	3. Artificial Feelings

I wake up; my entire being is consumed by aches. My bones feel as if they'll break any second, as if my whole body will collapse upon itself. Withdrawals, oh how fucking wonderful. Coming down is the absolute worst part of heroin. That's the part that makes you do so much. I mean, why would I want to sit and be in excruciating pain when I can go score and Lady Heroin will lift my spirits and I'll feel even better. Because then I'll be homeless again. I get out of bed to go bug Sara like a puppy dog for my medicine. I look around the whole house for my sister and she's nowhere in sight. The first thing I think of is what I can go pawn of hers. I walk into the kitchen and see a note.

"Tegan, Here's your medicine. I'm at work, do not leave. I'll be home around noon with some food. Xoxo, Sara." I giggle at the xoxo part and grab my single pill. I open the fridge and look for alcohol, anything to make me feel better. Sara's got some Zinfandel but I don't like wine. She's got a bottle of beer so I grab that and venture the house, looking for some more pain meds. Maybe she's got some codeine or something. I go to each bathroom and open up the cupboards, no pain meds besides Ibuprofen. The only reason I'm not looking for things to pawn is because of Sara. I love her too much. Oddly enough. I want to score and if I think about it hard enough, I'll try to.

An hour or two later, I get up from Sara's bed and walk to the door. I grab the diamond necklace on her counter and go to open the door. It's locked, from the outside. How the hell? The dead bolt is unlocked, so why can't I open the door? I groan and slam the necklace down. "Fuck!" I scream, loudly. I'm so irritated, I still hurt but it's a little numb now. I look at the clock, wondering when Sara's going to be home. Maybe I'll rape her or something. As soon as that thought enters my mind I begin to cry. Innocent little straight Sara and I'm fucking her over. Why would I think of doing that? I collapse on my knees and cry, loudly. I scream and pull my hair and cry. I get into this self-pity session for around twenty minutes when I hear the door open and Sara put a padlock on the counter. She sets down some McDonald's bags and shuts the door with her foot. "Tee." She whispers as she squats down next to me. I sit up and look at her big innocent eyes. "Sar." I whisper back and wrap my arms around her. I can feel Sara cry; I pull away and cup her beautiful jawline in my hands. I kiss her softly. "Don't cry, don't cry." I whisper, my eyes closed as I pull away. She runs her hands through my hair. "What's the matter, Tegan?" I look at her. "I was thinking of bad things. I don't want to hurt you." She smiles, standing up and pulling me up with her. She hugs me again. "I believe in you, Tegan. You can do it, okay?" I pull away from the hug and lick my lips. "Thank you." She giggles and grabs the food, along with my hand and pulls us to the table. She sets down the bag. "I got a variety of things; I don't know what you like." I smirk, "I like it all." Sara giggles again and sits down, pulling out fries and begins eating them in a mouse-like manor. I take out a Big Mac and just go to town. I don't realize how ravenous I look until Sara laughs. I look at her. "Big Macs aren't on the dollar menu." She sighs, "I'm cooking you dinner, tonight. A good hearty steak." My eyes get big. I haven't eaten like that since I was 16. "Thanks, Sara." I smile and finish my meal.

Sara leaves for work again, locking the door from the outside with a padlock. It's sad, and I feel angry but I know that she just wants me to be safe. I wander around the house again, bored out of my mind. I start to hurt again, real badly. Sara calls to tell me she forgot to give me my medicine. I was a big user, my doctor knew it. I injected around 3 times a day and I would chase several times. I'd lost count. I was a heavy user, is all I knew. I lay in Sara's bed and cuddle with myself, crying, moaning and groaning. I took some sleeping pills and I don't wake up until Sara's got dinner cooked. I sit up and she hands me my Bupe and an ice cold water bottle. "Morning, princess." Sara jokes and watches me take the pills. I wish I could inject it, it'd work instantly but I don't know where Sara would have any needles stashed, I'm guessing nowhere. She strokes the side of my cheek. "Come eat. I've cooked you a nice tender steak, medium rare with some skinny asparagus with parmesan cheese and prochetta." She whispers and stands up, grabbing my hands. "Sar?" I ask as we walk to the kitchen. "Yes?" She says, sitting me down and placing a plate in front of me, then pours me a glass of wine. She sits down and begins cutting her steak. This feels like a date, the house has an Italian aroma to it and Sara's even got a few candles lit. Though this meal seems likely to make a mess, the kitchen is clean and the dishwasher is running. Sara's always been so clean, so articulate. "Can we uh… Try something?" I whisper softly. Sara looks at me, "Like?" She bites into the cut up steak she has, and then sips her wine. "God, you're so lovely." I tell her and the emotion I'm feeling actually hurts me. Sara blushes, "Thank you." I dip my steak into the sauce and eat it, looking back up at Sara. "Be my girlfriend, Sara?" I continue eating as she shakes her head. "What about Sid?" I smile, "Fuck him." She shakes her head again, biting her lip. "Tee…"

I sigh, "Fine. Fine. At least, make love to me." Sara chews her food slowly. "Sex. That's it. No strings attached, except that while we're doing this… if you slip up and get high, it's done. I'll be done with you." I groan, "Is that what you're so worried about? I have medication, Sar. I can get clean, I can do anything." She smiles, "Then yes, Tegan. I'll have sex with you." I smile and quickly finish my dinner. "Now?" I ask, eagerly. It's been so long. Sara stands up and grabs our plates. "Fine. I'll be there in a second."

When Sara comes in her bedroom, she's awkward. She looks frail, ever so tiny and small. I smile, shyly up at her. She tucks her hair behind her ear and walks closer. She's donned in a stripped button up and slacks. I stand up and run my fingers through her hair. She looks at me, scared. "It's okay, Sar." I whisper. "I'm a virgin." She says and blushes hardcore. "You don't have sex with Sid?" I ask her, trailing a hand down her back to her bum. Sara's got the nicest bum I've ever seen. It's plump and round. It makes me giggle and it always has. When we were in our teen years, she would walk around in these tiny shorts and her bum would practically hang out of them. I used to slap her bum just to watch it jiggle, then I'd tease her. Sara would always tell me that I'm disgusting because I would constantly touch my sisters bum. I had a fetish for her bum. I loved it. It was the sweetest and most supple thing. Besides Sara's lips, it was my favorite part of her. I also enjoyed her skinny ankles and wrists. They looked so delicate and made her appear absolutely angelic. It's okay, I kept having to tell her. She finally let me kiss her. She melted into the kiss almost immediately. She moaned out and bit my bottom lip. I giggled, falling back onto the bed. Sara began tickling me and I laughed and laughed and laughed. I turned us over and began tickling her. We fell off the bed, me on top of her. "This is how it's supposed to be." She says, her eyes holding an all too familiar glint. She's my sister. She's my twin. She's my other half. I smile, "What?" She leans up, her lips real close to mine. "Fun." She whispers. I nod, smiling. I begin to pull off my t-shirt, then her house, then my sweats, then her slacks. We're nude and Sara's ushering me up and onto the bed. I lay Sara down and get in between her legs. I lower my pussy on hers and kiss her slowly while I grind against her. Sara whines and we continue this until Sara decides to get on top, she sits down between my legs and her pussy makes a funny noise from the air getting pushed out of it. She freezes and looks down at me, her eyes wide. I look at her and smile, grabbing her hands and pulling her on top of me. She's blushing very hard and I giggle, "It's fine, love." She sighs and kisses my cheek. "You're lovely." She whispers and knots her fingers in my hair. I smile and kiss her lips. "I love you." I whisper, slowly. She sighs and lays down on me.

Neither of us came that night and it was probably the most terrible and awkward sex I've ever had but that fact that I had it with Sara made it all the worthwhile. Sara's began taking me to work, just because she feels bad that I sit at home all day. I play on her computer and I watch TV. It's very boring but I love spending time with Sara. The sickness from withdrawals has stopped and I'm a step closer to recovery. I still think about shooting up, all the time. I think about how better that high is now that I'm clean. I tell Sara when I want to get high and she's working on ways to distract me. Most recently, we had sex to sustain my want for heroin.

"_Sara." I say, biting my lip. She was sweeping the kitchen. I looked very sheepish in my big sweater and sweat pants. I must look so sloppy to Sara but I feel so comfortable in my outfit. "Yes?" She says, placing the broom against the fridge and running her hands through her long hair. I smile, sadly. "I'm craving." She steps closer, her hands at her sides. She's wearing shorts that were similar to the ones she used to wear. Her legs are long and skinny. Her thighs are tiny. I look at them, checking her out. She notices. "Are you just horny or…?" I giggle, "Thanks to those shorts." She laughs, "Oh God, Tegan! I'm supposed to be cleaning, y'know." I nod and grab her hands. "Can we make out?" She nods and pulls me to the couch. She sits down and pulls me on top, but I shake my head. "Switch." I tell her, kissing her quickly before getting off of her and sitting next to her. She climbs on top of me and my hands go straight to her bum. She smirks, "You used this as an excuse to get in my pants?" I lick my lips and kiss her cheek. "Maybe a little. It's a great distraction, though." She giggles, agreeing with me. _

My thoughts are interrupted by Sid, yelling at Sara. It's muffled but I can hear that he's pissed. He's found Sara and I in bed together and won't listen to any reason. Sara's crying and screaming. I get up and open the door. "Stop yelling at her." I state. He turns to me. "Why the fuck are you two naked in bed together?" I lift my hands up, "Look, I forced her into it." This was half true. The main reason Sara was sleeping with me was to keep me here. She didn't know that I knew this. He raises an eyebrow. "Who in their right mind fucks their sister?!" I smile, "Me." Sara grabs Sid's arm and pulls him towards her. "Look, don't tell the authorities, Sid. It was a onetime thing, I swear to you." He looks at her, "I couldn't ever hurt you, Sara. But this slut sister of yours… She has to go." Sara nods and my heart drops, I scoff and push past her, grabbing my shoes and a backpack, stuffing it with a few clothes and I rush out the door quickly. The first thing I'm going to do is score some heroin.


End file.
